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Superhero in the spiritual life

boy child clouds kid — Photo by Porapak Apichodilok on Pexels.com

“but he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.’ I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me. Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me. Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

“Mom, what is your favorite superhero?” a question my youngest daughter asked me as we walked to feed the turtles.

At that moment, I’m not sure I had a great answer for her because I never really thought about who my favorite superhero was.

The Avenger movies are quite popular these days. There are so many it’s hard to keep track of all the Marvel movies starring our childhood superheroes.

Who is your favorite superhero?

Webster defines a superhero as a fictional hero that has extraordinary powers, in other words superhuman powers. The image of being a superhero has swept through our minds since childhood as we imagined ourselves saving the world from the villains. As we became adults, we developed a different image of a superhero. Our superhero within us involves doing everything we can for our families, always being strong and never giving in to or revealing weakness. Being vulnerable has no room within our superhero world – US. I think we have an idea that being vulnerable and being weak limits our abilities to protect ourselves and our families.

In 2 Corinthians 12:9, St Paul tells us that Jesus says “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.” Jesus tells us that He is enough. He is our superhero but it’s in our weakness that His extraordinary powers are made “PERFECT”.

My life has never been easy. I have always worked hard to achieve the goals I made for myself. I became independent and goal driven at a very young age. My superhero essentially became myself. Jesus was not prominent in my life as a child. Growing up, I had to always be strong for myself, my mom, my sister and brother. As I became a wife and then a mother, being weak and vulnerable was not an option. In the early days of my marriage and motherhood, Jesus was still not the focal point in my life. Reality in my life was that being weak and vulnerable was the opposite of survival.

Today, my world is different. Christ is in my life and although revealing my weakness and vulnerabilities is the scariest thing for me, I know that it is in this weakness that Christ dwells within and makes me strong.

WHY?

He says so in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10. When He says so, I’m certain He means it….
If I break down what I know of my faith and trust in God, I know that when I am strong, I cannot allow Him to work within me because I am unwilling to surrender myself to Him. It is in my weakness that He does His best work in me. It is in the vulnerabilities that I am most open to surrendering all I am to Him and allowing Him to fill me with all He is.

I wish that made me less afraid of being weak and vulnerable. Simple fact is it doesn’t but I know it is essential in my spiritual growth, especially when it comes to placing my past behind me and moving forward in life. Now, I don’t want you to take away that when we have to be strong against worldly things or defend ourselves against harmful acts that we should be weak and not do what is necessary. I think in those cases, it’s a matter of opening oneself up to surrendering to God to aid in such circumstances to guard us against sin and against harm. I think that is what St. Paul says in 2 Corinthians 12:10 – it is an acceptance, contentment with our weaknesses that allows us to depend on God to be with us in these moments, for Christ to dwell within us, to be our superhero living within. It is in our weakness that we are strong, we are truly a superhero through Christ who gives us strength.

I think if my daughter were to ask me today who my favorite superhero is, I would answer with great clarity that it is JESUS who lives in me and gives me strength to overcome all things.

What about you? Who do you say your favorite superhero is?

Gratitude – A mountain of graces

“Gratitude is the thing that brings us the most grace…I have learnt from this experience; try it, and you will see. I am content with whatever God gives me, and I show him this in a thousand little ways.” St. Therese of Lisieux

Do you desire a love with God that is beyond anything you could ever imagine? If so, I want to invite you to focus a little on gratitude.

Have you extended gratitude to God for all things – the small stuff, the big ones, the joy, and the suffering?

I’m sure each of us find it easy to give God gratitude for the joyful moments in our lives. But what about those moments that are tough, that hurt within us, wash our faces in tears? These moments are a bit more challenging to offer gratitude to God. I’m sure 90 % of the time we question God in these circumstances. I’m definitely guilty as charged.

St Therese tells us that gratitude brings us the most grace. St Ignatius of Loyola also tells us in his prayer of gratitude that when we are filled with gratitude for all things, we will love and serve God in all things. My dear sisters and brothers, that also means our pain, our suffering, the things we don’t like or appreciate, and the moments we aren’t feeling appreciated.

Think about that for a moment. Imagine how you felt when someone did something nice for you and you extended thanks to them, appreciation for what they did. I’m sure it brought joy and love into your heart as well as theirs. Do you think the love and joy was filled because of their act of kindness, your act of gratitude or both?

If God is the creator of all things and is present in all things, do you think He is present within the moments that hurt, anger, and disappoint? If God allows you to suffer, do you think He loves you less? Do you think He is more present in those moments – those when you need His strength the most? I’m pretty certain He was present on the cross, the greatest moment in history that endured the most suffering. By our Christian faith, we do offer Him thanksgiving for this, the moment He laid everything down to save us.

Why wouldn’t we offer gratitude for even those not so fun times when we are at our worst? If we offered gratitude during the rough circumstances in our lives, would we feel more loved instead of disappointed, lost and unloved.

I want to circle back to my first question at the start of the blog…. Do you desire a love with God that is beyond anything you could ever imagine? If you answered yes, then why would you not try offering gratitude in all things, even the worst moments, just as St Therese and St Ignatius suggest? What do you have to lose? Face with the person who angered you? What about a love so great that satisfies every ounce of your being beyond anything you could fathom – THE LOVE EXCHANGED BETWEEN YOU, YOUR CREATOR, YOUR REDEEMER, AND YOUR SANCTIFIER? Give it a try, you may be surprised at the graces you receive.

A desire so great

“The hope of truth and of freedom is already ours, dearly beloved, but if we are to attain truth and freedom in reality we must endure and persevere.” St Cyprian

What are your greatest desires? Do they consist of happiness and love?

St Ignatius’ spiritual discernment focuses on the things that bring us life and closer to God. God places deep desires within us, which align with His will for us in our lives. Our deepest desires may be found in a number of things. They may be seen in the smiles of your children, your spouse, your grandmother, a parent, friends, nature, even the most soothing sounds. It is in these things which bring life to our spirit, drawing us closer to God, that sync us to hearing God in our lives.

I invite you to pay attention to all things that make your heart smile.

As I write this, I am sitting outdoors, listening to the sounds of nature surrounding me. Peaceful surrender to what God wants me to hear and understand as I sit and write. Nature usually is my go to place to surrender and hear God speak to my heart. It’s a place where I can get in touch with my deepest desires. Sometimes I wonder if it’s the life surrounding me that draws me to the life of God within me.

In several of my recent posts, I’ve referenced the song by Tauren Wells, “God’s Not Done With You.” This song has so much meaning packed in it. Today as I listened to it, I began to contemplate my choices in my life. I have always been very practical and safe in making decisions, yet many of my choices led me down paths that may not have been very practical and safe. As I listened to the song, I realized that my choices make an imprint on my story, but God is still the author of my story. God will take these imprints and continue to write my story. To ever think He is done with my story would be spiritual detriment, spiritual hopelessness.

As we endure and persevere in our lives, God gives us hope. This hope leads us to freedom as we surrender trust in Him, allowing Him to author our story despite our choices. I always like the image of the shattered piece of pottery that has been glued back together and placed on display as a beautiful piece of art. I can imagine the broken pieces in my story being glued together and transformed into something even more beautiful than it was before. I could claim that I was the one who mended the pieces together, but I know the artist was God and it was His hands that picked up each piece, felt my sorrows and gently placed them together with the bond of His love. Even in the broken pieces, God transforms our desires into reality.

He creates a masterpiece through our desires that He has planted within us, a desire for Him – to love and be loved. God’s desires for each of us is written in our hearts and they are revealed in many different things in our lives. Openness and awareness are the only requirements from us. As we unveil our deepest desires, we feel God’s presence and understand His will.

heart shaped clay pot — Photo by Belle Co on Pexels.com

In a few posts, I’m sure I’ve mentioned often how my spiritual director will ask me if something I’m discerning brings me life. If we follow the things that bring us life, we feel most connected to God’s presence. Why? Because these are our deepest desires that come from God. When we are discerning, this is the path that is most aligned with God’s will – and the story He is writing, MY STORY AND YOUR STORY.

I invite you to ask yourself, what are my deepest desires? What makes you feel most alive in your life?

“Whatever you are doing, that which makes you feel the most alive…. that is where God is.” St Ignatius of Loyola

The cross and the sun rays

“The Eucharist is the Sacrament of Love. It signifies Love. It produces love. The Eucharist is the consummation of the whole spiritual life.” St. Thomas Aquinas

When I started this blog I really wanted to write about how God has moved me along my journey, and to do so in a way that is relatable to the reader in their own journey. Lately, my posts have been a lot about me personally and so I hope they are not too boring and there is some fruit for you as you read how I have been discovering and discerning God’s movement within me and my journey.

Have you pondered your crosses, Jesus’ Cross, and the Eucharist and how all of these relate to your relationship with Jesus lately? I invite you to do take about 10 minutes or longer if you need to do this.

This was probably not my intention today but I’m not sure that my intentions are always aligned with God’s intentions. So, I want to share my day with you.

As I was on my morning walk reflecting, I was thinking about my journey, in particular the good that has prevailed in my journey. Looking down, as I often do when I’m in deep thought or conversing with God, I stumbled upon a cross on the pathway, which I usually do at some point in my walk. I smiled and something told me to look up. I did. The light rays from the sun were brightly shining towards me as I looked up – a bright blinding light. Of course the light didn’t blind me but it opened my eyes to truly look at all the moments God has shined His light upon me, to see the light that illuminated the cross.

This very same day, I went to the Adoration chapel at our church, which is only about 5 -10 minutes from work, depending on the traffic lights. After praying for a little bit, I started to read a little from the book “Irresistibly Drawn to the Eucharist.”

“The Eucharist makes man divine, it purifies him and makes him holy. He will always find everything he needs in the Eucharist, since it is the Nest of all that is holy, pure and divine. You, my daughter, have not been purified as much as I need you to be. You need me and you need to be made one substance with the Cross. you have to lose yourself in it, be one with it, so that you can be united with your Jesus. You see, my daughter the eucharistic rays are the ones that purify and unite the fastest, but they only go through souls that have been turned into the Cross.”

That last sentence sort of struck me and I thought just may be God is trying to tell me something and I should meditate a little on this before the Blessed Sacrament. I began by asking Jesus about this – what does this mean for me and my journey? Sometimes He needs a little time and I need to be patient…. but today I was like okay, I don’t have much of a lunch hour, you’re gonna have to move a little quicker in letting me know what You mean here.

I’ve read this book before, probably twice. And I’m sure both times I read this passage viewing the cross that Jesus picked up and carried and was crucified on. As I sat there, I started to recall my walk – the cross and the sun rays and thought to myself perhaps this is more personal to me this time. What if God is trying to dig deeper in my recent discovery in my heaviest cross. Maybe, God wants me to see that I can’t pray my cross away. I can’t expect to process and deal with it and it goes away. My cross is part of who I am. In my last blog I wrote that I am diving into a season of discovery. What if I told you that the very thing I was praying for in Adoration before reading these sentences in Irresistibly Drawn to the Eucharist was this search to discover myself. One of the things I have learned through spiritual direction and my journey is to pay attention to everything. Each encounter is a little piece of a puzzle or a directional marker on the map in the journey.

This last few weeks have brought great clarity to me. You see, my cross has uncovered strength, courage, love and joy. I began a search for purpose when I picked up this cross. What I found was a God who rescued me. I found a courage to leave a relationship that was unhealthy. I walked along a path that was trying at times but each trying moment God provided tools to strengthen me and push me forward. I found a community, a family that pours out love and joy into my life. I discovered that motherhood is a lifelong lesson of selfless love and bears great joy in the smallest of moments. Most of all I realized that God is always with me, carrying me when I need to be carried and providing me with everything that I need to bear my cross. Because of His immense love, I want to be united to Him.

It is through embracing this cross that I am united to Christ. It is important to point out that through my recent boulder flipping experience these past few weeks that this cross cannot be a burden as I carry it. It must only be a part of the journey, a part of my identity of who I am in Christ – not who I am in that cross. My cross is what has produced the fruits of my labor. And now the fruit is ripened and free to enjoy.

It’s the identity of my cross with the sacrifice of Christ in the Eucharist that I am united to Christ. As I continue to ponder what this statement means to me, I realize that as I absorb my own cross as part of me, embrace it for the fruits it has produced, I will receive the greatest reunion with Christ in the Eucharist. I must say I am looking forward to going to Mass, more than normal, to receive Jesus this week.

An added bonus – when I hopped in my car to drive back to work, the song on the radio was “Haven’t Seen it Yet,” by Danny Gokey. Listen carefully to the lyrics…. “Cause it’s only in His love that you’ll find a breakthrough.” I’ll close restating St Thomas Aquinas that the Eucharist is the “ultimate” Sacrament of Love.

Wide open lens… endless possibilities through faith

“Faith widens our lens of our limited human understanding, giving us the graced view of eternal perspective to see that all is well in God. It’s the unveiled revelation of living faith that allows us to see Christ in the midst of our pain, as our hearts open up to anchor themselves in the promise of life beyond the grave, which is the ground of hope.” Mary’s Way the Power of Entrusting Your Child to God by Judy Landrieu Klein

Are you operating in a box? Are you open to the possibilities God has for you? Are you constantly looking back or dwelling in your past, unable to move beyond it?

I love these sentences from the book Mary’s Way the Power of Entrusting Your Child to God. The Blessed Mother through her faith and trust in God had an openness when she was visited by St. Gabriel and he told her she would carry the son of God in her womb. So what about us are we able to place so much trust in our faith and love of God, to be this open to say yes to whatever direction He may be guiding us to, to whatever path He is leading us on?

Today’s readings I find interesting to unpack in relation to my life, especially after reading Inner Compass by Margaret Silf. In the first reading “Elijah set out and came upon Elisha, son of Shaphat, as he was plowing with twelve yoke of oxen.” In her book, Margaret Silf writes about this very passage. One of her dear friends asked her to meditate on it. To his surprise, her reflection was centered around the eleven team of oxen plowing ahead of Elisha. She goes on to describe the skill of plowing. When a farmer is plowing, he finds a fixed point to focus on and steadily moves towards it. She says that when she reflected on this passage, she realized the fixed point in the spiritual life was Jesus and that the oxen teams ahead of us represent those in our life that are guiding us on our journey to the point of reference, Jesus. In other words, the oxen represent our spiritual friendships, saints, anyone or moment that provides a beacon for us to move forward towards Jesus. I love this visual because I can see my own yoke of oxen in my life, those that do keep me focused on Jesus.

photo of grass field — Photo by Oleksandr Pidvalnyi on Pexels.com

This morning upon the very great advice of one of my spiritual friends, I meditated on this reading and today’s Psalm 16:11 – “You will show me the path to life, fullness of joys in Your presence, the delights at Your right hand forever.” As I sat there reflecting on these verses in silence waiting for God to reveal what my “path to life” is, where are my “joys in His presence,” and how will I be able to “delight at [His] right hand forever,” tears were pooling in the corners of my eyes. As I felt them, I asked God what they meant? I guess He thought I needed more tears because that question opened a flood gate of tears. I’m like “really God, not sure that’s an answer.” As I continue to wait for Him to respond on the tears, I could sense that these readings were really talking to me and the last few weeks of me flipping rocks or should I say boulders over in my life that have buried deep feelings within me. My realization in that moment was that these tears were a piece of letting go and opening myself up to a new season in my life – a season of discovery.

I have the beauty of the most amazing spiritual friends, my oxens. They keep me in check and guide me in my journey – whether they know this or not. They help keep my eyes fixed on Jesus as they help me carry the load in my journey. When Jesus says Matthew 11:30, “my yoke is easy, and my burden light,” I think He helps us to bear the load by placing these people in our life that keep us focused on Him. This is a very important reminder, another message I was reminded of by one of me spiritual friends this past week.

I also think a key for me today is that with a wide open lens through my faith, there is “life beyond the grave” – this is the “delights at [His] right hand.” And it is the ground of hope that inflames my faith in my heart. So this new season for me becomes a season of discovery, discovering a new path of my life, not looking back at my past but pushing forward with the oxen in my life keeping my eyes fixed on Jesus, the one who will always give me joy in His presence. Perhaps the tears during my meditation were tears of dumping, cleansing the burdens of my past that have filled my vessel so that I can begin to press forward in searching who I am in Christ and what my path of life will unveil. Part of me is excited to begin this new search, yet a little afraid. I am blessed that God has given me a gift to turn over the boulders and look deep within myself and recognize that I have a process that isn’t complete. I also know now why the song “God’s not done with you” by Tauren Wells keeps playing and flooding my eyes when I’m in my car. God isn’t done with my story. My story thus far has had a lot of pain, yet a lot of growth and love. The hands of God have swooped in my life in many ways and taught me there is life beyond the cross, the sun does shine above the clouds. Now I am ready to begin this new journey of finding myself and moving beyond my crosses. I embrace what they have taught me and where they have brought me in my faith journey. Now it’s time to let them go and discover new life, new crosses and new growth.

My dear sisters and brothers, I invite you to allow your faith in God to open your lens and be open to what God has in store for you – may be it’s a new path, may be it’s growth and discovery on the current path. Whatever it is, be open and obedient, keeping your eyes fixed on Jesus as you plow through life with your set of oxen that He has given you to be yoked together, lightening the load. I think this will guide you in seeing your path to life, joys in Christ’s presence and hope in awaiting the delights at the right hand of God. Blessings on this day the Lord has made.

Unbinding through desolation

“We must speak to God as a friend speaks to his friend, servant to his master; now asking some favor, now acknowledging our faults, and communicating to Him all that concerns us, our thoughts, our fears, our projects, our desires, and in all things seeking His counsel.” St. Ignatius of Loyola

Ever feel like running into a closet to get away from everything in your life? To get away from all your struggles, the pain, the noise, family drama?

I had a friend who once shared a story with me that as a grown adult she literally wanted to escape the noise and the demands of family life and went into a closet and was careful not to breathe heavily, hoping no one would find her.

As she told me this I laughed but I think we can all relate to that moment when we just want to hide from the world.

In theses moments, sometimes, we may also feel the absence of God or a desire to give up on Him. It is important to recognize these moments. St Ignatius teaches us of two movements in the interior spiritual life, consolation and desolation.

Consolation are periods when we are on fire, on a spiritual high (after an ACTS retreat for all my ACTS sisters). During these times we can’t contain what God is moving within us. We literally want to tell the whole world and want them to be a part of it.

Consolation is an awesome experience but I don’t want to talk about that today. I want to talk a little bit about desolation. Desolation can be crucial to our spiritual journey, although it is more critical to recognize it. During these movements in our spiritual journey, we really begin to deal with areas that in turn will produce great growth in our spiritual journey.

I’m not an expert on either desolation or consolation but I guarantee you I’ve been on both roads many times…. kind of like that roller coaster I once wrote about. My spiritual director once told me that consolation helps us to prepare and move through the desolation that will come – like the coaster you need potential energy to give you the kinetic energy to keep that roller coaster moving up and down.

gray cave near body of water — Photo by anouar olh on Pexels.com

Today I find myself in a period of desolation. At first I didn’t recognize it, but it became very prominent when I wanted to just retreat from everything, even my prayer life and community of friends.

As I work through my own desolation, I have been uncovering darkness found in my deepest wound that has rooted itself in sin. God has revealed to me that this wound I have buried is not allowing me to move forward, that it is binding me to my past and from my happily ever after. It is a deep source of unforgiveness and unlove. It has created weeds such as fear, anxiety, anger, frustration and exhaustion. This is the junk I mentioned in my last blog filling my vessel preventing me from being able to shine the light of Christ onto others.

So how am I handling this period of desolation? Through spiritual direction and my own experiences, small bits of wisdom from God, I have learned a few steps or techniques to journey through desolation. When I begin to feel this way, actually when I recognize these feelings, I know I do have to retreat. I have to retreat into solitude with God. It is essential for me to find time to pray. I do this by carving time, whether I want to or not to pray at home or go to Adoration. In prayer, I am completely open with God about what I’m feeling which eventually leads to asking for graces I need in that time. I also try to find days that I can go to daily Mass, to receive Jesus and be fed. Both help me to sort and discover the roots of what God is inviting me to dig up or fertilize into something fruitful. If I uncover sin at the base of this root or a resulting weed through this process, confession is another stop for me.

I think each of us will go through both consolation and desolation. Some of us may experience it as a result of God inviting us to see the consolation period as a gift and to invite us to discover Him in a new, fresher light and not necessarily from a dark root or sin. Each of us may have different techniques to walk through it. What’s important is that we identify it and take the necessary steps to journey this interior spiritual movement and grow closer to God.

Whatever may be the cause of desolation for you, will you be prepared to tackle it and grow leaps and bounds in your spiritual journey?

Mending the path, uncovering the treasure

“For God who said, ‘Let the light shine out of darkness,’ has shone in our hearts to bring to light the knowledge of the glory of God on the face of Jesus Christ. But we hold this treasure in earthen vessels, that the surpassing power may be of God and not from us. We are afflicted in every way, but not constrained; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted but not abandoned; struck down but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our body.” 2 Corinthians 4:6-10

When you were a kid, did you run around the neighborhood? Perhaps played in the nearby creek or hopped over rocks and broken paths?

When I was kid, we lived on a naval base and I remember running around the neighborhood by myself often to the nearby creek. I guess you can say from my childhood I was discovering God through nature, yet unaware of my discovery. The creek would have stones laid throughout, creating a broken path. I would walk or hop across the rocks, carefree and childlike.

person wearing blue pants standing on rocks across green and orange trees — Photo by Catherine Guay on Pexels.com

Today, I sometimes find the path I’m walking on broken. Unlike when I was a kid, I don’t walk this path carefree. I walk it with heavy burdens. If I don’t recognize it and continue to walk the path the burdens fill the vessel God has given me to hold His treasure, the light of Christ, within.

In my last blog, I wrote about the importance of going to confession and how sin can cover our hearts in darkness and can continue to manifest that darkness within us, separating us further from God. I also find connections of this and carrying heavy burdens. When our burdens fill our vessel, it hinders our ability to carry the treasure God gives us and therefore we are unable to shine the light of Christ outward to aid in building God’s kingdom, something we are each created for.

I don’t think the broken paths are necessarily bad. I believe they are there to draw us closer to God. Where we may get into trouble is when we don’t see this as an opportunity to look within and see what God is wanting to mend on that broken path. Some may continue to let the brokenness linger and the burdens grow, further filling the vessel with unwanted “junk”.

I personally don’t want to carry these burdens and I’m certain if you are reading this you don’t either. I encourage you to consider the invitation that God may be presenting to you when you are walking on the broken path and carrying these burdens. Is He asking you to pick up the stone, hold it in your hands, examine it and ponder your feelings surrounding it? Is He asking you to then hand it to Him and let Him fill the gap, the brokenness it has created with His treasure, His love, His grace?

Sometimes when I’m faced with brokenness in my path, I look back at the times that God has filled these gaps and filled me. Sometimes the path seems more shattered. When I allow this brokenness to linger, I find myself spiritually empty. The vessel fills up and God has no space to shine His light within. Personally, recognizing this is crucial for me because it has tremendous affect on other areas in my life. I don’t think wisdom is found from the intellect of math and science. It is found through our journey and awareness of how all things affect each other. What I have discovered is that when my vessel is full of junk, it can have an affect on a number of things, including my relationships with other and my relationship with God. The last thing I am able to do is be a spiritual light for others to help build God’s kingdom.

What steps do we take when we find our path broken? What does that invitation look like? It may look different for each of us and different during the different seasons of our lives. Some things I think that help to discern clarity of the invitation is to start by looking within to see what the feelings are, find quiet time to spend with God asking Him to reveal these feelings, to overturn this rock and give you direction. Perhaps that direction may lead you to confession, to forgiveness. May be it’s just God helping you to understand what it is, refining you and refueling you. In some cases, it just may be down time, rest in Him that He is calling you to.

Whatever you may be faced with today or tomorrow, accept God’s invitation in those moments to uncover the relationship He desires with you.