The cross and the sun rays

“The Eucharist is the Sacrament of Love.  It signifies Love.  It produces love.  The Eucharist is the consummation of the whole spiritual life.”  St. Thomas Aquinas

When I started this blog I really wanted to write about how God has moved me along my journey, and to do so in a way that is relatable to the reader in their own journey.  Lately, my posts have been a lot about me personally and so I hope they are not too boring and there is some fruit for you as you read how I have been discovering and discerning God’s movement within me and my journey.

Have you pondered your crosses, Jesus’ Cross, and the Eucharist and how all of these relate to your relationship with Jesus lately?  I invite you to do take about 10 minutes or longer if you need to do this.

This was probably not my intention today but I’m not sure that my intentions are always aligned with God’s intentions.  So, I want to share my day with you.

As I was on my morning walk reflecting, I was thinking about my journey, in particular the good that has prevailed in my journey. Looking down, as I often do when I’m in deep thought or conversing with God, I stumbled upon a cross on the pathway, which I usually do at some point in my walk. I smiled and something told me to look up. I did. The light rays from the sun were brightly shining towards me as I looked up – a bright blinding light. Of course the light didn’t blind me but it opened my eyes to truly look at all the moments God has shined His light upon me, to see the light that illuminated the cross.

This very same day, I went to the Adoration chapel at our church, which is only about 5 -10 minutes from work, depending on the traffic lights.  After praying for a little bit, I started to read a little from the book “Irresistibly Drawn to the Eucharist.”

“The Eucharist makes man divine, it purifies him and makes him holy.  He will always find everything he needs in the Eucharist, since it is the Nest of all that is holy, pure and divine.  You, my daughter, have not been purified as much as I need you to be.  You need me and you need to be made one substance with the Cross.  you have to lose yourself in it, be one with it, so that you can be united with your Jesus.  You see, my daughter the eucharistic rays are the ones that purify and unite the fastest, but they only go through souls that have been turned into the Cross.”

That last sentence sort of struck me and I thought just may be God is trying to tell me something and I should meditate a little on this before the Blessed Sacrament.  I began by asking Jesus about this – what does this mean for me and my journey?  Sometimes He needs a little time and I need to be patient…. but today I was like okay, I don’t have much of a lunch hour, you’re gonna have to move a little quicker in letting me know what You mean here.

I’ve read this book before, probably twice.  And I’m sure both times I read this passage viewing the cross that Jesus picked up and carried and was crucified on.  As I sat there, I started to recall my walk – the cross and the sun rays and thought to myself perhaps this is more personal to me this time.  What if God is trying to dig deeper in my recent discovery in my heaviest cross.  Maybe, God wants me to see that I can’t pray my cross away. I can’t expect to process and deal with it and it goes away. My cross is part of who I am. In my last blog I wrote that I am diving into a season of discovery. What if I told you that the very thing I was praying for in Adoration before reading these sentences in Irresistibly Drawn to the Eucharist was this search to discover myself. One of the things I have learned through spiritual direction and my journey is to pay attention to everything. Each encounter is a little piece of a puzzle or a directional marker on the map in the journey.

This last few weeks have brought great clarity to me.  You see, my cross has uncovered strength, courage, love and joy. I began a search for purpose when I picked up this cross.  What I found was a God who rescued me.  I found a courage to leave a relationship that was unhealthy.  I walked along a path that was trying at times but each trying moment God provided tools to strengthen me and push me forward.  I found a community, a family that pours out love and joy into my life.  I discovered that motherhood is a lifelong lesson of selfless love and bears great joy in the smallest of moments.  Most of all I realized that God is always with me, carrying me when I need to be carried and providing me with everything that I need to bear my cross.  Because of His immense love, I want to be united to Him.

It is through embracing this cross that I am united to Christ. It is important to point out that through my recent boulder flipping experience these past few weeks that this cross cannot be a burden as I carry it. It must only be a part of the journey, a part of my identity of who I am in Christ – not who I am in that cross. My cross is what has produced the fruits of my labor. And now the fruit is ripened and free to enjoy.

It’s the identity of my cross with the sacrifice of Christ in the Eucharist that I am united to Christ. As I continue to ponder what this statement means to me, I realize that as I absorb my own cross as part of me, embrace it for the fruits it has produced, I will receive the greatest reunion with Christ in the Eucharist.  I must say I am looking forward to going to Mass, more than normal, to receive Jesus this week.

An added bonus – when I hopped in my car to drive back to work, the song on the radio was “Haven’t Seen it Yet,” by Danny Gokey.  Listen carefully to the lyrics…. “Cause it’s only in His love that you’ll find a breakthrough.”  I’ll close restating St Thomas Aquinas that the Eucharist is the “ultimate” Sacrament of Love.

Prince, King, Lord and Hero – Happily Ever After Awaits

“He said to me, ‘My divine heart is so in love with people, and with you in particular, that it can no longer contain the flames of its ardent charity. It needs you to spread them. It must manifest itself to people and enrich them with the precious treasures that I will reveal to you. These treasures are the graces of salvation and sanctification, necessary to rescue people from the abyss of perdition…’ This divine heart was shown me on a throne of flames. It was more resplendent than the sun and transparent as crystal. The heart had its own adorable wound, and was surrounded by a crown of thorns, signifying the stings caused by our sins. And there was a cross above it.” St Margaret Mary Alocoque

Once upon a time…. A young woman stumbled in the darkness, seeking something deeper… a love, a desire for ecstasy and happiness that only one true prince could provide. She searched the land, her heart and only found pain, fear and loneliness. On one fair day a great light shined upon her and directed her to a castle. She wasn’t certain of it’s existence. As she followed the light directing her path, she stepped through the doors and fixed her eyes upon her Prince Charming, her Lord, her King, the one true love of her hearts desire.

Have you ever dreamed of your fairy tale, your happily ever after? Or perhaps your fairy tale or happily ever after has come true?

I’ve spent a week in Disney World among princesses, princes, and villains. I’ve watched the fairy tales of my childhood unfold before my eyes. Among the adventures and the thrills, there is always a hero or a prince and a happy ending.

The fairy tales we heard as a child have a few things in common…

1. Heroine

2. Hero

3. Villain

4. Magical element

5. Happily ever after

Being engrossed in all of these fairy tales and happily ever after, I venture to imagine my own happily ever after, my own Prince Charming.

As I marvel in this dream of my personal fairy tale, I realize my life has definitely had these elements and I’m certain yours probably has as well.

Take a moment and reflect on these elements and your life. Reflect on yourself needing to be rescued, awakened from the depths of your sin and temptation. The villain is lurking around constantly trying to pull you away from your hero in your story…. Jesus. You may say, “well, my story doesn’t have a magical element.” What if the magical element is not supernatural but a decision, a choice that only you can make. That choice becomes the defining moment when the hero, your Prince Charming swoops in and rescues you from the villain that lurks around you and may be even within you. The story you were living begins to turn, perhaps rewritten, into the elemental finale of a happily ever after – your prince has rescued you and resides with you throughout eternity.

Yesterday, as I entered a place that had once given me great peace in a time I needed it the most, I fixed my eyes upon the prince that has always been a part of my life. It was then that I realized my Prince Charming was always there – here in this peaceful castle, the chapel of my church. I had already met my Prince Charming. He had captured my heart in the purest, deepest way many years ago and continues to do so. My satisfaction can only be found through Him and in Him. The key ingredient was that I had to choose Him. I had to make the decision to open my heart to Him and let Him fill it.

Phil Wickham has a song called “Til I Found You.” This song is a constant reminder to me in how my own story as I knew it was being rewritten as God’s story, my happily ever after when “I found [Him].”

I invite you to search within find the magical element to choose your happily ever after by finding your Prince Charming, residing in the castle – YOU.

Although He lives within me, I find great comfort in visiting Him in a tangible castle, the chapel of my church, as I fix my eyes upon Him in Adoration in the most simplest form waiting to satisfy me in every way. “I see you in a transparent Host as material substance, but faith takes away the veil with which you cover yourself, love shaking the foundations of my heart makes me feel your presence, and the joy you cause it to feel lifts it up to the sublime hope of possessing you, overcoming all the obstacles that separate us.” Conchita Cabrera de Armida’s, Irresistibly Drawn to the Eucharist

Life’s greatest sustenance

What sustains you in life, through your struggles, illness, pain? How do you find peace in knowing this life is not permanent?

Today, as I sat in the infusion room waiting for my IV of ferritin, I peered around the room. Surrounded by patients receiving treatment for cancer or other disorders, my heart poured out to these men and women. I visit this room twice every two years and the sadness I feel is always the same, yet part of me finds thanksgiving for the many blessings in my own life, especially my own hardships and struggles. Perhaps a bit of guilt sweeps over me knowing I’m only here to treat one of the two forms of anemia I battle that mainly results in exhaustion and tiredness with occasional feelings of faintness.

My disorder is mild and manageable in my daily life. As I think about these patients and how many or all are fighting for their life, I ponder my own peace and life sustainability. Often I’ve thought about facing the last moments of my life when that time comes – will I be afraid or at peace. Over the past few years when I contemplate this, I feel at peace knowing where I am in my faith journey and that because of it when that day comes I am on my way to a place that is beyond my own imagination. I love this simple quote by Pope Pius X.  It’s simple yet it speaks volumes.

“Holy Communion is the shortest and safest way to Heaven”.

We can look at this quote from two perspectives.

  • Receiving the Eucharist is like Heaven on earth. One may ask WHY? After receiving the Eucharist, we truly walk with Jesus within us. He can only take that place if we are in the state of Grace, meaning our souls are clean and welcome to receiving Him. Isn’t that what Heaven will be like? A state of grace walking with Jesus….
  • The second perspective is that if we are receiving Jesus then hopefully we are also following Him and striving for holiness as God desires us to. In this case, it also is the shortest path to Heaven because it leads us straight there.

The Eucharist is the center of my faith and my journey and it is in the Body and the Blood of Christ that I am strengthened and sustained in all life throws at me. Some may not truly understand what is contained in this bread and wine present in a Catholic Mass. If not, I challenge you to watch the link below on the miracle of the Eucharist at Buenos Aires. May your eyes and your heart be open to Jesus’ true presence in the Eucharist.  Blessings to each of you!

Is your deepest desire a communal relationship with God?

“…our belonging to God, our deep bond with him, a relationship that gives meaning to our whole life and keeps us resolute, in communion with him, even during the most difficult and troubled moments” Pope Francis

What is your deepest desire?  Is it a communal relationship with God?  These are both good questions to ponder and reflect on today as you read the Gospel of John, chapter 6.

Todays Gospel reading is one of my favorites.  In fact the series of the Gospel of John, chapter 6, has always been my favorite series at Mass.  I think the reason is that over the years, I have realized the true meaning of the Eucharist in my life.  It is the “communion with Him”.  Before receiving the Eucharist, my heart desires so greatly to be consumed by Jesus as I consume His body and blood and when I receive the Eucharist at Mass, I receive this gift of Jesus’ presence within me that is like no other.

Today at Mass, something happened that brought a deeper meaning to me in the blessings and healing of the Eucharist and the communion with God.  Just before Mass, I was reading The Better Part which is reflections on the Gospel.  In The Better Part, Christ as friend, I had read

“You want more out of your life; I do too.  I am what you’re looking for.  Know me better; listen to me; trust me more.”

Today, before the consecration of the bread and wine, I heard this small voice whisper to me to offer up this Mass for my ex-husband.  A little resistant at first, I remember thinking that is a lot to ask and not so easy today.  After recalling what I had read before Mass, I knew that when the body and blood were raised up, I was to offer the Mass up for my ex-husband.  I was to listen to that inner voice and trust that Jesus knew me better and knew what I needed today.  So, I offered the Mass up for my ex.  After receiving communion, when I went back to my pew to pray, I felt a release as tears cleansed me while I prayed.

I wanted to share this because I think this is an example of desiring and embracing a communal relationship with God.  It’s through the Eucharist that the communal bond – as Father mentioned today – with Jesus as the wedding ring, a union between man and God takes place.

Jesus says in the Gospel today,

“I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me will never hunger, and whoever believes in me will never thirst.”  John 6:35

If you do not believe or have trouble believing that Jesus is truly present in the Eucharist, read the Gospel of John, chapter 6 carefully and let the words soak in – ask the Holy Spirit to guide you as you read this beautiful reading.  He came to earth to not only die for us but to give us life and fulfill us by being present with us in this beautiful Sacrament.

An Intimate Relationship With Jesus

“Let me caress your soul. Let me soothe its wounds… Have great confidence in me…, Have a great love for me. See here, I will feed you from my own hands and let you drink from the inside of my heart, like a little white dove. There I will give you even more, more love… I will feed you with my substance…because I am yours… because I was born to come near to you… because I died so that even in eternity you would be all mine.”  Holy Hours, Concepcion Cabrera de Armida

What if Jesus spoke these words to you? What if he is speaking to you now but your mind is too busy to hear him? What kind of emotions would it stir? How would you feel? Let your walls down, breathe in and out and reread the quote above from Holy Hours and hear Jesus speaking these words to you.

Open your mind and let him feed your soul. Open your heart and let him pour his heart into yours. Do you feel the immensity of life bursting from your soul? Is your heart burning with a fiery love for him?

Now imagine his body before you – in the tabernacle, the monstrance, the host raised before you. Do you want to take part? Do you want to be fed?

He says “this is my body… this is my blood” (Matthew 26:26-28) and if you eat it and drink of it, you will have eternal life (John 6:54).

He is yours and you are his. Let him caress you, hold you close and love you. Take part in this intimate relationship.

Now that you have imagined, evaluate your relationships in your life.  Do they resemble this intimate love, intimate relationship?

This past week while I was on vacation, there was a couple in line behind me.  Not intending to listen to their conversation, I overheard something that was very familiar and close to my heart.  The wife, in a very frustrated, upset tone, made a comment to her husband about how he was looking at other women while she was next to him.

I mention this story because this is a result of a relationship that lacks the intimacy of Christ’s love.  If we are fed by Christ, then we would not desire this self gratification of sexual desire or lust.  He would guide us in what true love, true sacrifice of self, true connection of heart and soul is like as we embark in intimate relationships with the opposite sex.  In knowing this truth of sacrificing love, true intimacy and beauty of life, the world would have less failed marriages.

Ladies, if you are not married, date Jesus before you embark on a serious relationship.  If you are married, hopefully your spouse doesn’t have a problem with you dating Jesus together to improve the intimacy and selfless love of each other.  Feel what true intimacy feels like.  Experience the meaning of self sacrificing love.  Then model this love and if you are not married search for it to be reciprocated.  If you find it, you have met your soul mate, the one intended for you by God.

Be fed by the body of Christ and satisfy your thirst from the depths of his heart.  Let him caress you and set you on fire, bringing you life through all eternity.

Spiritual Food

You water the mountains from your chambers; from the fruit of your labor the earth abounds.  You make the grass grow for the cattle and plants for people’s work to bring forth food from the earth, wine to gladden their hearts, oil to make their faces shine, and bread to sustain the human heart.” Psalm 104:13-15

As I listen to the rain pour outside my window, I think about all that has poured into my life, just as God waters the mountains from His chambers.  Although my spiritual journey began when I was younger, it wasn’t until  several years ago it was truly awakened.  The one thing that fueled my spiritual awakening was the Eucharist, “the bread to sustain the human heart”.

When I was a child, my parents did not take me to church regularly.  I went to various denominations, whatever church invited me and my siblings to go to, we went.  I didn’t know anything about the Eucharist as a child.  I do recall people going up to the alter in a line, including my parents, when we attended a baptism at a Catholic church.  I had no clue what it was but even then I believe I was being drawn to the Eucharist.  Although I did not know what all this was or meant, I felt like something was missing when I went to church.  I later did learn about the Eucharist when I attended RCIA at a local Catholic church but I still did not really know what it truly meant, especially to me in my spiritual journey.

It wasn’t until several years ago that the realization of the Eucharist and it’s impact on my faith journey bore fruit, pouring into my very being an abundance of grace.  When I truly recognized Jesus in the Eucharist, I longed for it.  My desire for the Eucharist was immense.  It became the spiritual food that fed me.  It strengthened my desire to read and understand the Bible.  It helped me to endure the heaviest cross I’ve had to carry.  It made forgiving easier and loving even easier.  I yearned to sit in the presence of Jesus in the Eucharist.  It was there that I recognized the Spirit and could hear Him speak to me.  I took refuge in His presence and adorned all He has sacrificed for me.  I embraced His love for me and learned to love myself and discover my worth in His eyes.  Just as God watered the mountains to bear fruit on the earth and sustain life, He poured out life into my heart and my soul through the ultimate food on earth, His son – present in the Eucharist.

After communion one day, my daughter asked me why so many people cry after they receive communion.  I smiled, I’m often one of those people, and told her that perhaps they are thanking Jesus for His sacrifice for them and the love He gives through the Eucharist.  For me this emotional flood gate is knowing what the Eucharist truly is, not a symbol, but the true presence of Christ, that pours into my heart.  It is knowing that at each Eucharistic celebration He is being sacrificed as I also sacrifice myself by releasing my will into His as He becomes present within me, consuming me.

Are you being consumed by Jesus?  Are you being spiritually fed, sustaining your heart?  Are you embracing Jesus as He pours out to you in the Eucharist?  Is He bearing fruit in your life through the sacrament of the Eucharist?