Over the years, God has been refining my trust in Him. My trust in myself was always greater than my trust in God. What I have discovered is that since I had placed my trust in myself, I was in the middle of a dark storm that whirled around me and I couldn’t find my way out. It was kind of like being sucked up into a tornado and not having enough strength to get out of the force that was holding me along the outer rim. Over the years, I’ve learned a lot about trust and God’s will. I don’t find myself being stuck in the tornado. I wouldn’t say I never get sucked into it but when I do, I’m able to surrender it to God and be released from it. Sometimes it still may take a little longer than I want but the more I practice trusting, the easier it becomes and the more I can accept the storm with joy instead of bitterness.
Webster defines trust as “an assured reliance on the character, ability, strength or truth of someone or something; a dependence or confidence placed on something future or contingent.” Ever sat and just wondered God’s characteristics, ability, strength and truth? Some people may say that’s simple. He is the creator of the universe, our Father in Heaven and the Bible says “for God all things are possible,” Matthew 19:26. In our minds, most of us know this but in our hearts and our actions, do we really? If we fully understood, felt and knew God’s characteristics, ability, strength and truth, we would never be anxious of anything, would never ask where is God, would never be sad, bitter or angry when a storm rained down upon us. Instead, we would embrace it all, knowing that God sees the bigger picture and He will always bring goodness from all things. His love is present in each of those trials. If we understood that, we would have 100% trust in Him and would always be filled with joy knowing that He will always bear the sweetest fruit from the tragedy, the storm, and the pain.
I often am disappointed in myself when I don’t trust God with the things I’m dealing with, when the weight seems too much, especially when I reach out to others before going to God in prayer. I often look at the picture of the Divine Mercy and say “Jesus I trust in You”. I find it is easy to say “Jesus I trust in You”, but if it is not heart felt, I haven’t truly surrendered that trust, “woe to the faint of heart, for they do not trust,” Sirach 2:13. I’m not saying it’s easy to place 100% trust in God at all times, because it isn’t. We are human and we will falter but life’s storms are so much easier to bear when we realize that God has it and there will be a garden of delicious fruit on the other side.
I think when we don’t place our trust in God, we allow an open space for the enemy to enter, to convince us of our selfishness and our pride and we begin to fall, to separate ourselves from God. Our anxiety creeps in, fear of the unknown or speculation of the future attack our minds and conquer our peace, we ask why and become angry or bitter and the list goes on. When we “trust in the Lord with all [our] heart and lean not on [our] own understanding,” Proverbs 3:5, He will guide our steps. When we do the opposite and lean on our own understanding, the enemy directs our actions and feelings.
As I mentioned earlier, God has been refining my trust in Him. When I was in the storm of my life, I called out to God in prayer often. I poured out my heart and washed the anxieties away with my tears. Each time I went through this process, God drew me closer to Him. God prevailed in my life through each instance. Today as I look back at my journey, God provided me with all the tools to guide my steps through my sufferings, to comfort my heart and carry me. Every moment of weakness, I found myself knocked down on my knees and lifted with strength. He began refining me through each moment of weakness, building my trust, drawing me closer and inviting me to have an intimate relationship with Him. I weathered a huge storm in my life and without that storm, my relationship with God would not be where it is today. I would not be where I am today. As God refines my trust in Him, I am beginning to accept the storms with joy as I know that there is a beautiful landscape that will be born from the ashes and debris of the storm. He is scraping away the impurities and lack of trust that have surfaced from the fires in my life and as the smaller storms come today, I am able to begin to embrace them with trust, joy and acceptance knowing that His will prevails in all things. God is good and His will is perfect. Why make it complicated, “Jesus, I trust in You”.